Qυеѕtіοn bу praise t: Am I wrοnɡ іn аƖƖ thіѕ?
Mу hubby &I hаνе hаνе јυѕt come out οf ѕοmе serious stuff. Hе bеɡаn chatting wіth οthеr women online & txt.thіѕ mаԁе mе insecure &I bеɡаn snooping. thіѕ mаԁе thе stuff worse coz hе јυѕt saw mе аѕ a woman whο hаԁ major issues. well, I took care οf mу issues &hе ԁіԁ thе same.Hе never saw thіѕ аѕ cheating , bυt I felt іt wаѕ. anyway I ѕtοрреԁ going thru hіѕ phone &things. one οf thе major things I hаԁ wіth аƖƖ thіѕ іѕ thаt ѕοmе οf thе women, hе met online ѕο I tοƖԁ hіm thаt іt mаԁе mе uneasy tο know thаt hе still hаѕ a hi5 profile bυt I wаѕ going tο trust hіm. hе ѕаіԁ thаt hе wаѕ going tο ɡеt rid οf аƖƖ thе women hе mіɡht cause problems. well ,wе јυѕt ɡοt hіm a laptop &saturday night , hе wаѕ doing a lot οf research fοr hіѕ upcoming court case. I came tο kiss hіm ɡοοԁ night &saw thаt hе wаѕ browsing thе pictures &profile οf a woman οn facebook.іt kind οf took mе bу surprise . anyway , last night I tοƖԁ hіm thаt seeing hіm going thru thаt womans pictures kind οf mаԁе mе a bit uncomfortable
hе ɡοt mаԁ аt mе &ѕаіԁ whу ѕhουƖԁ I bе uncomforatbale whеn hе іѕ јυѕt looking аt thе people hе hаѕ added tο hіѕ facebook profile. I hаԁ nο clue hе hаԁ a facebook profile bυt anyway , hе саn hаνе thе profile , mу issue wаѕ tο Ɩеt hіm know thаt іt mаԁе mе uneasy , considering ουr past. hе ԁіԁ nοt see іt Ɩіkе thаt , hе јυѕt ѕаіԁ thаt I hаԁ issues coz I dont want hіm tο hаνе friends bесаυѕе I јυѕt thіnk hе іѕ trying tο hook up wіth аnу аnу womn hе meets. i tοƖԁ hіm thаt i felt thаt wіth ουr past history , hе hаԁ сυt down οn mаkіnɡ nеw friends wіth women online .hе ѕаіԁ thаt wе both meet nеw people everyday &hе саn talk tο thеm without mе thinking thе wοrѕt. thе reason I brought іt up wіth hіm wаѕ tο Ɩеt hіm know thаt іt mаԁе mе uneasy ,nοt thаt I thіnk hе іѕ up tο something bυt uneasy bесаυѕе іt іѕ something I аm trying tο ɡеt used tο.well, hе tοƖԁ mе thаt hе іѕ tired οf mу issues аnԁ Hе cant deal wіth thаt I hаνе ѕtοрреԁ snooping аnԁ searching fοr stuff.I hаνе changed , hе wont see thаt
Best аnѕwеr:
Anѕwеr bу ee
Yου don’t hаνе thе issues here… hе ԁοеѕ. Fοr ѕοmе reason, hе cant ѕtοр shopping fοr women, аnԁ looking fοr attention frοm thеm whеn hе ѕhουƖԁ οnƖу bе looking fοr thаt kind οf attention frοm уου. Thаt means theres nο trust.
Know better? Leave уουr οwn аnѕwеr іn thе comments!
Aye! What is the question please?
Sounds like he uses this to live vicariously. There is a danger an aggressive lonely woman will put the pressure on to meet. It could become a problem. I don’t think you are imagining things. Why doesn’t he just stop–it must be more important to him than he admits.
If it’s something he doesn’t want you to know about, and wouldn’t do in front of you, then it’s something he shouldn’t be doing. I don’t think you’re wrong at all.
I don’t blame you. This is causing you too much stress. Is it worth it to you? Your husband may do this the rest of his life. You can’t control other people. You can either live with it and accept it, or get out of the relationship Anything in between will drive you crazy, as you are settling for less.
Talk to him about why he’s doing this. Why is he looking up other women online? Is he feeling unwanted in your marriage? Is he looking for a quick fling or an old friend? You need to try to get to the bottom of his actions and not just look at what’s happening on the surface. Once you find out what’s making him do this, you’ll be able to fix the problem.
you are right,but just take it in sportsman spirit
This is who he is. He’s not going to stop. You either leave or stay.
Ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed. What he is doing is not right.
maybe leave it alone. Find your own chat room and find out how he’ll react to your being in the chat room with men. If he finds that offensive, then tell him you feel the same way about his chatting with women. Equal partnership in marriage. No double standards these days please.
if he isnt cheating, he is thinking about it, no you are not wrong, i think you and he need to get serious and get some counseling and if that doesnt work, you need to kick him to the curb….
You folks need serious help.
Don’t you think it’s time to gain a little perspective in your life?
A bit uncomfortable? OMG! He is doing you way wrong. He should not be browsing pics of women on facebook or any other book! The laptop is just an excuse so he can now hide everything he’s doing from you. Basically he’s going to continue his current behavior and hide it from you. Any man that would keep doing that kind of thing is a player and not a husband.
my husband and I have a rule… with all of our accounts we have each others passwords. we can look through them anytime we wish. but, because we are so open with each other … we never really do that.
once someone has cheated in a relationship you will never have 100% trust back. one day you might have 99% of it back… but not 100% and definitly not this soon.
if he is already looking through other womans profile then my gut tells me he is not sorry that he cheated but more sorry that he got caught.
sorry.
I’m glad you were able to talk to your husband openly about it. It seems as if he could be going down a road that can lead to cheating. He may not think he is doing anything wrong, but telling him it makes you uncomfortable and that you wish he would spend that time with you instead will do one of two things. You will either grow closer, or learn that he doesn’t care and may eventually cheat. It is better to learn this now than years and kids down the road.
That is wrong of your husband especially since you have already discussed the issue and he acted like he was resolving the problem.You have to have trust in any relationship, and if he is browsing other women’s profiles, I would be afraid that his curiosity might get the best of him.I couldn’t live like that.
I don’t think you are completely wrong a man will look at pictures and so on but you do need to draw a line, chatting with them this is cheating, and you need to let him know how you feel about what you saw, maybe you guys should consider counseling.
no i think you’re absolutly right it this. and when you are talking about his problems i think he needs to stop pointing fingers at you, he will get his turn to talk. but i think you are right to be uncomfortable about him looking at other women, and you are right for trying to talk to him about it.
but remember:
burn me once, shame on you. burn me twice, shame on me.
My only qualification here is being a man and having been married 20 years. If he has nothing to hide, you should have access to his password and you can chat to the same women and men he meets on line that way they will be your common online friends. If he refuses I think it is not a good sign but I could be wrong.
I hate to tell you this but if you have a gut feeling he is cheating, he is cheating! You have every right to be upset and no you are not wrong. Suggest counseling to him and see what happens, that is if you want to try to save your marriage. At any rate you will probably need someone to talk to. Mistrust is never easy to get past.
You’re doing the right thing by talking to him about it. Maybe there’s an addiction with him and he might need to seek help. In my opinion if he know this make you uncomfortable he should do whatever it takes to keep you happy.
You are supposed to be interested in your spouse. Ask your husband why he feels it is necessary to do this activity. Ask him also if he would like you doing the same. See if he is open to marriage counseling. Try marriage counseling first. It does not have to cost anything. See if there is a free reputable marriage counseling outfit near you. You may need an unbaised individual that can help you and your husband.
Does your husband understand that going from woman to woman could indicate deep emotional problems on his part. After all you are not resonsible for him and his actions. Just your own.
It sounds to me like he is doing a good job at manipulating you into thinking you are the one with the problem.
It is very likely that both of you have a disconnect with reality.
Good luck.
I would be uncomfortable too.But look at it like this is he cheating then you have something to worry bur if not don’t worry as much.on line & txt. is another story i would not like it at all as long as he told me then it would be ok.(but he would have to let me see what they r talking about.)
No your not wrong! By looking at other women online is an insult for you! You should be the only woman in his heart and in his eye cause your his wife how would he like it if you were chattin up other men! Sounds to me like he’s treatin you like dirt and you don’t even realize it!
this bastard needs a swift kick out the door.
OMG, how could you possibly be wrong in all this ?????????????? Has he brain washed you that much???
There is NEVER a reason for you HUSBAND (for crying out loud your husband, not a bf, not a booty call) to be looking at women’s profiles online….EVER.
As for snooping….You have every reason to snoop. He has shown you he can’t be trusted. If it were me, I’d put one of those programs on his computer and your other computer too that shows you what he’s been doing. I’d also be going through his cell phone.
BTW I don’t go through my husbands things, but I don’t have to he hasnt given me a reason to do it, but if I suspected anything, you can bet I’d do it.
It’s amazing to me you said he saw you as a woman who has issues….he’s the one with the issues. The only reason to chat with chicks online and to look at profiles is to cheat….period.
Check yourself girl, he seems like he’s brainwashed you into believing you are the one with the problem and making you seem paranoid when you have every reason to be.
You need to seriously reevaluate this relationship.
Good Luck!
Thanks to the internet we now have tons more ways to connect with people – such as Y/A. Unfortunately, it blurs the lines between what is friendly contact and what is potentially harmful to relationships and marriages.
If flirting cheating? Is chatting and getting personal with a member of the opposite sex cheating? No, but it can lead to it.
Online friends are fantasy friends. There is no responsibility and none of the mundane things that make life with the real people in your life so challenging.
It sounds great that you and he are talking about it at least. Maybe some ground rules would help, ie. looking but no contact (?). I don’t know – there’s a lot of grey area that is new to all of us because never before have there been so many ways to ‘meet’ people.
i belive that ur feelings and thoughts are justified and he should have a lil bit more consideration for ur feelings if he cares about u….. if talkin to him about it n it doesn’t work try a different approach.. dats wat i wud do… gud luck
The only thing wrong here is the way your husband feels he can manipulate you, making you feel as if you have issues, when in fact he is the one who should not be emailing other women for whatever excuse he gives to you. Your husband did the typical thing by turning his bad doing around on you by saying to you that you have issues. You say you agreed to trust him and yet he has not given you any reason to do so. Trust, once broken must be earned. He continues to email other women and expects you to trust him. What he is really saying is “shut up and leave me alone to email who I want”. Stand up for yourself and stop letting him manipulate you. To him you are a pushover who believes anything he tells you. If you do not want him to email women then you must make it clear to him and your actions need to back you up on this or your words will go on deaf ears.
make your own facebook profile and add a bunch of new guys and become freinds with them and see how he feels.
ya know… men like him who PRETEND that nothing is wrong when there is definitely something wrong need a different kind of wake up call.
try doing the same thing he is doing and let him catch u. just pretend of course. then when he brings it up, be like, “oh wait, i thought theres nothing wrong with talking to friends?” he must realize that it is not ok and never will be.
Yes, you are 100% WRONG in this.
I have a Yahoo 360 page with 45 friends, 43 of whom are female.
I coorespond with these wonderful woman on a daily basis, and am honored to call them “friends”.
I also IM (instant message, it’s like a phone call, but you type your conversation, as opposed to talk) with several of them on a regular basis.
I am also married, and have discussed my online lady friends at lenght with my wife.
Although she was a bit jealous at first, after patiently and honestly explaining the nature of these “relationships”, as well as explaining the meanings behind certain things she had seen, she is now totally comfortable and trusting about my activities.
You & your husband need to discuss the situation, and if everything is on the up and up, as mine is, you will have a better understanding and trust of one another.
If anything, YOU are the one at fault. Had you been my wife, and gone through my phone and computer looking for whatever it is you were looking for, we would have had a serious problem.
Your trust issues seem to go far beyond his online activities.
Good luck to both of you.
sidia tidak menepati dalam alam rumah tangga..tiada pegangan dalam perjanjian rukun rumah tangga
I agree with ee. HE has issues. Just because you trusted your gut instinct and snooped does not mean you have issues. I have caught more than one guy cheated by snooping and I would do it again if my gut told me something was off. It’s not about snooping, it’s about trust, and he broke yours down a little bit. It’s about watching out for yourself and not accepting lies and half truths. Sometimes you have to find out for yourself, especially if the guy is not talking. I REFUSE to be lied to so if I feel like I am, I snoop and find things out…I’ve never been wrong.
The bottom line is that no other woman should be worth upsetting you. You told him you were uneasy and he is not taking your feelings to heart. He is being insensitive and selfish. If he told you that a certain guy bothered you I’m sure you would do what you could to put him at ease (I would and I would expect the same from my man). A relationship takes mutual respect and loyalty…seems a bit uneven in this case.
Your not the one that had to change. Obviously he is overly needy.
Well I think that he is a big loser and you do not need to be with someone who treats you like this I know you must love him btu I am pretty sure if you were doing something like this the book would be different I mean the story well anyway you need to put your foot down and you need to show him who is boss and by that I mean you are going to have to stop making things matter for instance what he is looking at on the computer who cares. You should not just forget him he is not worth your stress I know you love him and you do not want to lose him but instead of looking over his back find something else to make yourslef feel good go get your nails down your hair make yourself look nice and when you do by yourslef a new dress and make a nice dinner for you and him and if does not apperciate at it. Then get out of the house for a few days and let him feel then pain you are the better half in this relationship and get this without you he is nothing. Build your self esteem make yourslef feel good.
call me old fashioned but u shld b the only girl he wants regular attention from – maybe the odd double look from a passer by in the street is ok, but nt regular contact, unles you are all mutual friends,
There are plenty of guys to chat to on line, so y is he looking up the women ?
I dont think there is any smoke without fire,
You have put him on red alert by checking his phone so he will b covering his tracks at the moment.
I would be cool about it all, wait a few months, then do some more detective work.
Its decietful and underhand, but it could save you many years of heartache.
If he is the cheating kind, you will lose many years of your life to someone who don’t really love you and the sooner you find out – the better.
Does he have a lot of female friends ? did he have a lot of female friends when you met him ?
Do you know any of his female friends ?
sorry – call me cynical, but unfortunatley men are lead by what hangs between their legs, it’s not their fault that they are so shallow – its their hormones – but if u have married a man who can’t control his urges, you will be the 1 picking up the pieces, he will off with someone new blaming you for his infidelity, by saying u were too posessive.
I hope im wrong and he is just a genuine, faithfull but sociable guy