Qυеѕtіοn bу nowsadsue: Need urgent hеƖр. Jυѕt happened. Mу husband аnԁ p o r n?
Bееn married less than2 years, wе аrе аn older couple. Mу husband knew thаt I divorced last husband cos hе wastoo interested іn p o r n аnԁ ignored mе. I knew nеw husband hаԁ porn bυt hе chucked іt away аnԁ tοƖԁ mе hе wouldnt look аt іt cos really mаkеѕ mе insecure аnԁ totally rυіnеԁ previous relatinship. Wе hаνе ɡοοԁ sex life аnԁ ԁο lots οf things maybe οthеr people dont ԁο Ɩіkе swinging whісh i еnјοу tοο, ѕο hе′s nοt deprived іn аnу way. Oυr οƖԁ laptop packed up recently аnԁ wе bουɡht nеw one. Tonight I found іt hidden іn hіѕ car under tools etc іn a bag аnԁ thе dvd раrt obviously still works cos hе′s ɡοt loads οf p o r n dvds іn thеrе incl one wіth dogs! Whеrе ԁο i ɡο frοm here? іtѕ nοt јυѕt thе p o r n іtѕ thе lying аnԁ concealing. Please hеƖр іf уου саn bother tο give a serious аnѕwеr. I аm going tο act normal til i ԁесіԁе whаt tο ԁο.
Best аnѕwеr:
Anѕwеr bу Namaste
Nοt tο bе rude, bυt I find іt ironic. Yου hаνе уουr husband watching porn whеrе аƖƖ thеѕе women аrе sexualized аnԁ objectified. Porn takes thе sacredness οf sex out οf thе marraige, уеt аt thе same time уου′re swinging. Whеn уουr swinging уου аrе giving yourself tο many people, ѕο іn essence іt’s јυѕt thе same thing. Hе′s cheating οn уου whеn hе′s swinging аnԁ hе′s cheating οn уου wіth porn. Hοw саn уου bе mаԁ аt hіm fοr watching porn whеn уου both sleep wіth οthеr partners. Thats kind οf wеіrԁ.
Okay okay, bυt I wіƖƖ give уου advice аbουt thе porn issue:
Seriously hаνе a sit down talk wіth hіm. Anԁ аѕk hіm : Yου Ɩονе mе, ѕο whу іѕ іt аn issue fοr уου tο ditch thе porn? TеƖƖ hіm thеrе іѕ a fine line between Ɩονе аnԁ lust. Listen tο hіm аnԁ try tο convince hіm thаt іtѕ wrοnɡ. Gеt a picture οf a baby аnԁ ѕау “thіѕ іѕ someones daughter, whаt іf іt wаѕ ουr daughter? Anԁ whаt іf ѕhе wаѕ іn those videos” Gauranteed tο mаkе hіm flinch.
Give уουr аnѕwеr tο thіѕ qυеѕtіοn below!
I think you have to talk to him. If he said that he would not buy this stuff before you were married, then he owes you an explanation of why he has gone back on that promise.
I’m seeing a second divorce if I’m into your shoes.
you guys are into other couples and porn bothers you it makes no sense that you let him be with other people and so are you, couldn’t you both enjoy that too. since you do all kinds of stuff anyway???
maybe your husband is afraid to hurt you since your previous relationship had the porn issue” simply try to understand guys will be guys maybe he used to watch it all the time but respects you and decides not to watch it in your home or with you knowing about it…dont be too harsh on him he probably doesnt mean any harm…
Talk to him. Let him know that you’ve found it. He is lying and hiding it because you divorced your previous husband because of porn. You knew he enjoyed porn before you married him and expected him to change. That was a mistake. You can’t marry someone and then expect them to change into what you want them to be.
This is just my opinion, but how can you justify having sex with multiple partners, yet porn brings you to the point of divorce? That seems odd to me, but I believe in the vows that said ‘forsake all others’.
i think you need to talk to him to find out what it is that he likes about porn see if you can understand it, if you are swingers this this is the same thing, i would be more insecure if my man was swinging, i would be happier with porn as is not cheating.
if you satisfy your self when he is not around then this is also the same.
try to understand it and let him have a little porn.
you gather up everything in the car, put it in plain view on a table in the house with a note “I’ll be at (name of person)’s house (or a place) when you are ready to explain yourself”
Pack a small bag, and go head for a friend, family member’s, or if you don’t have anyone around…a hotel room…and wait for his call.
set up a place to meet and don’t cut him any slack.
Tell him in order to save your marriage he has to go to marriage counseling for a period of no less than 6 months to work on the trust and dishonesty issues…and then and only then will you decide if you are staying or going.
Until all of that is done, I suggest you don’t participate in swingin or other such activities…because those are things that trusting couples do together…and he isn’t being very trustworthy at the moment…for all you know it could lead to him having an affair.
Wow.. Umm.. I dont really know what to tell you. I would have freaked out! I know how upset you must be though! : ( If I found out my husband was sneeking around to watch porn I would be so mad and heart broken at the same time!… Alot of people tell me that I over react about stuff like that. From what you have said, its obviously not because of lack of sex.. lol.. I dont know what you should do. If I was in your position I would confront my husband with what I found. I would ask him why he was watching the porn and I would tell him how it made me feel… This might sound stupid but, I know people that are addicted to porn. I dont really understand it but I know its possible… So, I dont know.. I would suggest that you talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and just see what he says about it. I hope everything works out! Good luck! : )
There is too much emphasis placed on porn. People listen to all the negative information and little about the positive.
First off less than 5% of those who watch porn are “addicted” to it. Most every person who watches porn becomes bored with it in an average of 60 to 90 days. I watch porn and become very bored with it often in a matter of a half hour or so. It is just the same thing over and over and over.
Now think of this. God made our bodies, and according to His word He made man according to His image, and He said we were made very good. If we are made in His image and he said we are made good then to say that the naked body is bad is calling God a liar! He also has no problem with our naked bodies. Wasn’t the first thing he said to Adam and Eve, “Who told you that you were naked?”
God also gave us two things to be enjoyed, one was food, not only does it nourish our bodies but it brings people together in fellowship. The other is sex. He gave us sex to be enjoyed as well as to procreate.
Think of porn not as a shameful thing but as a way of making your sex lives better; a tool of eduction if you will. Porn in itself is not bad…only narrow minded people make it bad. I am not saying you are narrow minded but that you need to look at it from a truthful aspect.
Should you desire more information, please email me through Yahoo answers. I have a ton of good information. Including information on swinging.
lady you left your ex because he was in to porn and now your current husband is doing the same.
What the hell is going on girl.There are guys that like to watch porn and there mates are ok with it as long as they don’t experience with other people. But there are others like me that would say it is very dis respectful for you being married and finding out these things that you totally dislike.
I say lady try to talk to your husband it is very nice when you have a great communication but what is the point in your relationship if when you talk to him or him knowing your past he do it any ways. No No I’m just messing with you try to talk to him don’t throw your marriage out of the window because the man likes porn why don’t you two seek professional help maybe they can kick some sense in to him maybe you guys can compromise and everything could be just fine. Cause remember that you say that this currently husband of yours is very good when you too are intimate. Do you want to drop it?
Anyways the decision is on you my advice is for you too to seek professional help
First… get some self esteem! Be offended by the moral issues but don’t take it personal.
Second… I have yet to meet a man that wouldn’t rather have great sex than watch porn. Be GREAT in bed and he wont have the sexual energy to look at porn.
Third… If you DON’T make sure he is sexually satisfied, what right do you have to keep him from taking care of what you won’t. Sex is the ONLY thing you promise to keep for each other in marriage but that comes with the agreement that you WILL take care of it… not at your level but at your partners. If he wants sex 5 times and you want it once… at least hit 3 times… that is at least a compromise.
you let him have sex with someone else but if he watches porn you feel insecure? wow i don’t really understand swinging i guess. anyway, you need to let him know that you found his stash. ( when i found my husbands stash, i took it and left a note in it’s place that said “haha, i’ve got your pus*y stash) just wanted to throw that out there. seriously, talk to him about it, tell him that it hurts you enough to make you want to leave him. remind him of your past relationship. but remember that all men watch porn, maybe you can decide on a few that he can keep, that don’t make you feel insecure.
same cereal different box.
People amaze me sometimes, they keep doing the same things expecting a different result.
Clean up your life and be a woman of honor and you will then be respected and honored.
Can I ask why you got married in the first place? Why would get married and swing and allow your husband to watch porn? I can tell you are a very insecure person. Because if you were secure with yourself you would see that you are more than enough for your husband. I do not understand why the porn bothers you so much and the having sex with other people does not. It makes no sense to me. However, let the man have some time to himself. You sound as if you want to be involved in every aspect of his life, everyone needs some space. Let him watch his porn by himself. Maybe he does not want you to watch it with him and does not want to hurt your feeling. Just leave it alone, if you are happy with everything else in your relationship, let him have his porn. If infidelity does not bother you the porn should not either. I just hope you gain enough self esteem to realize you do not have to demean yourself to have a happy marriage.
I’m surprised no one has said anything about the dog thing thats kinda gross… but then again they say men are dogs anyways… maybe they relate to dogs when it comes to sex or something.
I would be completely crushed. As important as he knew this was to you, he shouldn’t have hid it. He should have tried inviting you to bed and watching porn with you!
The worst part to me is that he hid it under tools in his personal vehicle. And also that he was actually spending money on it buying DVDS! I mean hello! INTERNET!! You can get porn for free without getting viruses! Thats besides the point tho…
Dishonesty can really crush a woman’s self esteem when it comes to something like this.
Sure it may be true that most men like porn, but you don’t tell your partner you don’t need it and then stockpile it in your car on the retired laptop!
Personally, I would be very hurt and therefore incredibly angry and insulted. I’d probably destroy the laptop and leave it crushed to bits for him to find and break his DVDs up all over where he’ll be sure to find them… at least that would be my first thought…. probably not the best or most sane thing to do tho…
I dunno, the best way to do this relationship would have been to have him watch the porn with you in an intimate setting… he should have tried to convince you it wasn’t evil and tried to help you feel more comfortable BEFORE he realized he wanted porn so badly he had to start hiding it!!!!
I don’t know what to tell you do… I’ve had a dishonest relationship too and I found out it only got more and more dishonest than I initially thought.
It hurt a lot and it still makes me feel awful even today.
You should probably do what someone else suggested and put it all out on the table and tell him you need to talk and that you feel terribly hurt and betrayed and that surely he could have found a better way to deal with this porn thing that included you. Let him know that you are serious about this relationship and that you don’t ever want to feel the way you used to feel again. I don’t know what he is supposed to do at this point… seems like the damage has been done… so tell him he needs to figure out how to make it alright…
I would be angry for a very long time tho… that anger can’t be good for the relationship… but how can you avoid wondering what else he’s been dishonest about?
Try to do the right thing and try to listen to what he says about why he hid it from you and felt the need to stockpile it even… maybe you should try watching some that you might feel comfortable seeing with him. Maybe he felt like you disliked porn so much he couldn’t even see it at all ever… but still he should have been more honest with you…
Good luck! Try to work it out if you can. Try not to feel too insecure and try not to make him insecure. Maybe you can find a way to turn it into something positive! If you could maybe he wouldn’t be dishonest in the future… If you can’t don’t be too hard on yourself, you told him what was up in the beginning. If you are really worried about this he should be told that this isn’t going to be a cakewalk to get past. Men are kind of dumb when they want to be and don’t realize how dishonesty can hurt a woman.
I don’t think everyone should harp on you about the swinging… the swinging was honest and out in the open.
My husband and I tried swinging little bit… it didn’t work out too well in the end. I don’t even really want to have sex anymore. Which makes me feel really bad. The problem was every time we tried to get intimate he would talk about fantasies with us and other people… and I dunno… that was cool and all, sometimes… but It left me feeling rather inadequate… tried to talk about it at the time, but it kept happening again and again… maybe I should talk about it again but I don’t want to blame him for the way I feel, but I really wish he had listened to me in the first place…
Aside from the sexual insecurity the rest of our relationship is good… but if this keeps up who knows… at this point I’m ready to just join the nuns just so I don’t need to worry about it anymore.
sigh… stupid@ss modern sexuality.
The more I see sex in the media and all around me the less and less I want to have it these days… it has like the opposite affect I think its intended to… blah.
Good luck! I hope you guys figure it out!